Home > Fat People, Stories > On the way to the grocery store

On the way to the grocery store

So I was on my way to the grocery store to buy eggs, broccoli, steak – all of the good stuff. As I was walking, I noticed a repugnant, beast-like figure in front of me. Upon further investigation, I realized it was an obese woman. As I got closer and closer it seemed that the sidewalk was narrowing; it soon became clear that she was an impassible obstacle. I walk up right behind her, her fat must have permeated into her ears because I tried to make myself loud and heard. I eventually gave up and just said “Excuse me.” She spun around with immense torque, her fat masses were displaced for several seconds after she completed the turn.
She looked at me with an intense anger, like I ran over her child with a truck, went back, and ate it. “Yeah, I just want to get by you…” Her testicle-retracting stare intensified and I began to see how disgustingly ugly she was, with facial hair, lopsided eyes, and discoloration on her face.
And then something amazing happened. She opened her mouth wide enough for an airplane to drive in unharmed, her double chins multiplying into the thousands. She let out an inhuman noise – it was extremely low and the earth began to vibrate. My ears began to experience a slight, annoying pain. She stopped, and continued her menacing stare.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake, like and earthquake. I followed her line of vision, turned around, and saw about 15 other obese women standing behind me. What the hell, I was being surrounded by angry fat women. They pressed up against one another and formed a fat-wall, enclosing me, there was no escape.

I was late to the grocery store.

  1. 28 November 2013 at 4:42 pm

    HAHAHAh Thank you for this. Too funny. You must live in Michigan too (its not like that in the West, I swear).

  2. RedFred
    9 September 2016 at 11:02 pm

    So now we know what your mom looks like.

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