Home > Diets, Nutrition, Paleolithic Diet > How to not eat like a retard

How to not eat like a retard

First I would like to thank BH for making an excellent, hilarious post for me due to my busy, sex-filled schedule. Although I love helping the world and making it a better, less blubbery place, I feel like sometimes doing a little cardio with my female friends if you know what I mean… Not that you fat virgin fucks can relate, but you’ve seen the movies. Anyway, I’m not going to miss two posts so here you go. This post is going to be how to not eat like a disgusting fat pig and how to easily stay healthy, slim, and feel good. You will not get ripped from just eating, it’s just not going to happen. You achieve that through working out (25%), eating right (65%), and the other 10% is sleeping/resting, genetics, all that stuff. Don’t worry, I’ll make a post later on how to get off your fat ass and exercise correctly, so just focus on one thing at a time. I might update this post a lot with more information and source citing. If you have something to add post in the comments. If you’re fat shut up because nobody gives a fuck.

Let me break down food into 10 groups and discuss them all. Nuts, seeds, legumes, meat (including poultry and fish), dairy, vegetables, fruit, grains, fats and oils, sweets. This will be done in multiple posts.

1. Nuts
Nuts are good in smaller quantities. They have many nutrients in them that are not as commonly found in meats. However, they often have antinutrients and a lot of omega-6’s. Nuts have fats, proteins, and carbs, as well as antioxidants and minerals. However, keep in mind these antioxidants aren’t meant for human consumption. Plants don’t make nuts so you can put your greasy sausage fingers on them. But we’ve adapted to eating them so we can deal with it somewhat well. You see, nuts have polyunsaturated fats that go rancid and create oxidation, leading to heart disease and cancer. However, the antioxidants such as vitamin E protect us against that. What makes them go rancid faster is heat. So roasting nuts is not a good idea if you want to eat healthy.
The best way to eat nuts is soaking (preferred) or eating them raw. Salted is OK, but try to make sure the salt is iodized so you can get something useful from it. Eat them as an occasional snack only, a handful of assorted nuts a day or so. Brazil nuts are the best in my opinion.

2. Seeds
Nuts are actually seeds too, but large, dense seeds that are easy to eat. One thing that isn’t good about seeds, besides the omega-6’s, is phytates and lectin. Phytates bind in our digestive tract to minerals like zinc, magnesium, calcium, and iron and make it so we can’t absorb them. So even if a seed is high in some nutrient you may not get all of it. Click here for info on the amounts of phytates aka phytic acid in different nuts and seeds. Once again seeds also have a lot of omega-6’s, the only seed I know of higher in O-3’s is flax, and they are ALA type Omega-3’s which aren’t absorbed as well as DHAs and EPAs from fish for example. And yeah you want to get your omega-3’s in a 1:3 to 1:1 ratio with omega-6’s, but you can’t just take a bunch of fish oil pills because you ate 100s of nuts today. That’s retarded, they still cause oxidation, and thus cancer and heart disease. Try to keep polyunsaturated fats from 5-8%, with the ratios I suggested. That’s easiest by just limiting polyunsaturated fats and taking a fish oil pill if they’re mostly from nuts and seeds.

3. Legumes
Do not eat these shits. Peanuts are legumes by the way, not nuts.
The worst legume of all is soy, and I’ll get to specifics on soy in another post, but legumes are just shit. Legumes have significant protein and stuff like potassium and magnesium, sure. The protein amounts are kind of poor though. Also these proteins come with a bunch of carbs, which you don’t need if you’re a fatty fat.
All of the nutrients you can get from legumes you can get in better quantities or from better sources than legumes. Just eat vegetables and meat.
By the way, our body isn’t too good at digesting legumes, hence the farts. Many nutrients aren’t too bio-available and it makes you fart, and you fat fucks already smell bad enough. So how do you digest them better? Soaking, but you’re lazy fuck, so just don’t eat them. And no that shit you buy at walmart isn’t pre-soaked, they don’t give a fuck about you.

View series

  1. 13 July 2011 at 9:06 am

    I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  2. RedFred
    9 September 2016 at 10:29 pm

    But you love nuts, be honest. You love me even more when they bust all over your face. Faggot!

  1. 22 July 2011 at 7:59 pm

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