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Independence day

Woop-de-fucking-do. Today is independence day. What more is there to celebrate than the birth of a nation that is presently full of gluttonous pigs. Don’t get me wrong, I think the founding ideals of American society are great. Liberty, freedom, justice, great stuff. Thomas Jefferson is one of the few men I look up to. Either way, I refuse to take a day to celebrate the fact that I’m living in the fattest country in the world. I am not proud to be a part of this terrible sack of lard of a nation. It’s disgusting. I can hardly go out in public without feeling nauseous.

What is a good country then? Well, in some aspects, but not all, JAPAN. I’m no weeaboo but I have had sex with my fair share of slanty-eyed women. Regardless, I don’t find the Japanese culture particularly superior, but in one aspect it is.

From CNN:

A recently-introduced law in Japan requires all businesses to have mandatory obesity checks (video link) for all their employees and employees’ family members over the age of 40, CNN reports. If the employee or family member is deemed obese, and does not lose the extra fat soon, their employer faces large fines. The legislated upper limit for the waistline is 33.5″ for men, and 35.5″ for women. Should America adopt universal health insurance, could we live to see the same kind of individual health regulations imposed on us by the government? By comparison, the average waistline in America in 2005 was 39 inches for men, 37 inches for women.

This is what we as Americans should be doing. Punishing people for being fat. Although we should actually measure the body fat levels instead of waist sizes (there is more variation in body shapes here) we really need to legally crack down on these fat people. Although this country is founded upon freedom of association and freedom to choose what you do to your body, there is a limit. It crosses the line when you get fat and it hurts everyone.

Every 6 months Americans would have mandatory body fat checks. If they exceed a specific level determined by age and sex, they will be given a fine. If they are unhealthy from starvation, they would be taken into custody and force-fed healthy food until the problem is solved. After someone is deemed fat, they will be given a strict diet to follow. In fact, to buy any sort of junk food, one will be required a specific license, which is only available if one is exceedingly healthy. It would act similar to alcohol. If a fit person buys junk for a fat person, he can be fined and put in jail. If a shop sells crappy food to a fat person, they could be shut down. One possibility would be to make 3x a week gym attendance mandatory for all fatties. Work in the way? They get an unpaid leave. Family in ruins and poverty? Shouldn’t have been fat in the first place.

And as for children, they won’t be punished. The parents will. Brutally. If a parent has fat kids, they could be put in jail for child neglect and malnutrition.

The jails would be terrible, fat camps. Every day they must walk 10-20 miles. They would have a strict diet to follow. Many would die. It would be the ultimate shame to be a part of one. It would be beautiful. A nation great once again… Then I would be happy for July the fourth.

  1. 4 July 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Well said, Fat Slayer. I’m surprised you didn’t even bring up the eating contests that happen on the 4th. God those are disgusting. Watching those fat asses consume as many hot dogs in as short a time as possible until they throw up is enough to make anybody’s stomach churn in revulsion. While the spirit of the US’s independence is good, the holiday has been corrupted by fatties to such an extent that I cannot allow myself to take part in it. I wish we could throw them all in fat camps too, but your 10 – 20 miles a day thing is way too low. Those disgusting freaks should be spending every waking second running, they need to be doing 40 miles a day at least. If they collapse, whip them until they get back up. If they die, let them, that’s one less fat ass in the world.

  2. Onepisseddoffjew
    9 September 2016 at 10:27 pm

    Everyday is an eating contest for you isn’t it? How much semen you can eat?

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